Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
