conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
