just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
