I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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