I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
