I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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