The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
