Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
