omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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