he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
