No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
