just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
