one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
