Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
