His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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