He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
