I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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