So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
