I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
