yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
