no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
