She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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