mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
