so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
