mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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