can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
