On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
