He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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