I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
