Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
