sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
