I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
