To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
