Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
