I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
