I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
