Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
