did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
