yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
