Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
