I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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