i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
