i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
