so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My liver just broke up with me...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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