Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
