I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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