Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
