Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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