That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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