Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
