today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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