My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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