I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
