Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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