Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
