he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
