there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
