Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
