are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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