How'd it feel making her break her religion?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
