I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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