I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Oh god it's open bar.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
