Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
