Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
