a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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