party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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