Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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