i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
